Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Interesting Discovery

I am not one to throw things away, but since arriving back home from my short trip to Idaho I have been determined to go through all (or most of) my stuff and get rid of it. Yesterday I was knee-deep (no joke) in my closet rifling through all of my crap and today I spent the better part of 8 hours taking pictures and posting items for sale on ebay. Those items that I can't sell will be donated to DI or thrown away. I enjoy the process of deep cleaning and I don't do it very often because it takes a long time, but with the break I had no excuse.

In the midst of all my cleaning I decided to look through my letter box. Going back to my first statement...I don't usually throw things away and as I read through years of birthday cards, Christmas cards, get-well cards and other miscellaneous cards I made some interesting discoveries.

I need to disclose some information first...I don't make friends easily. I think of myself as a friendly person, yet I am usually quiet and I am not terribly assertive in relationships and often that means that I don't accumulate a large number of friends. I also have a circle of friends that I think of as my "best friends" and all the rest of my close friends circle just outside my inner group.

With that explained I will go back to my discoveries. First, I was amazed at the sheer volume of cards and letters I had. Of course some of my cards date back to high school and I have had plenty of years to accumulate them. Second, I have amazing people in my life not only my family but also my friends.

I am not a person who dwells on the past or spends much time being sad, but even just reading my get-well-cards when I had cancer made me feel special and loved. Third discovery I made, was that my circle of friends, I don't often think of as my best friends, are the ones that have actually been the most stable, supportive, and communicative friends. Now, I don't say this to criticize my best friends. Lives change, stresses come into our lives, relationships evolve. I am aware of this and I fully acknowledge that I'm not a perfect friend. Maintaining my relationships with my inner circle has been one of my great regrets over the last few years. But looking at all this stuff made me realize that I need to nurture and develop some of those relationships that I haven't paid much attention too and learn to let go of those relationships that aren't growing anymore.

Tonight, I went and saw Valkyrie with my friend Travis. We only see each other every couple of years, but it is the kind of friendship that seems to defy time. We can pick up right where we left off as though no time as passed at all. I love hanging out with him because all I do is laugh. He and I had a long conversation about this topic and I think he gets me because like myself he is also single. With no husband or kids in the picture all I have are my relationships with my friends and my friendship with my family.

I am blessed to have a large network of people who love me. I sometimes forget this because the vast majority of my network don't live close and I rarely, if ever, get to see them. With a new year ready to dawn soon and new adventures and journeys for me to take, I need to always remember and cherish those that enrich and bless my life.

So to my friends and family, thank you for what you teach me about myself and about life.

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